Deep Fried Turkey

Mechanics

The guys deep fry a turkey.

How do you fry a turkey?

Ingredients

• <math>N</math> turkeys
• 1 marinading syringe
• some cajun marinade (the only way to go)
• 1 Turkey fryer - 5 gallon metal pot
• 1 Tank Propane
• 1 Long stem Thermometer
• 1 Lighter Clicky
• ~4 gallons of peanut oil

Preparation

1. The night before you fry: clean up the turkey, take all the crap out from inside it (make sure its thawed out real good) and dry it off.
2. Also the night before you fry: inject the Delishus Cajun Marinade into the breast, and legs, in several places. make few small holes, penetrating in multiple directions in each hole, and be liberal with the marinade.
3. Put all that goodness in the fridge, so the marinade has time to permeate and tasteyify the meat.
4. Give the gibblets to someone who knows how to make gravy.

Fryin

1. set up your turkey fryer somewhere stable, outside, and preferably on something that if it gets covered in oil, the womenfolk wont be upset.
2. connect the propane tank. if you dont know how, ask your cousin. as a last resort, read the man-u -al. get it right though, cause you dont wanna spend thanksgiving in the "just blew himself up" clinic.
3. put the pot on, and put some oil in it. to figgure out how much oil you need, take the weight of your turkey, and devide by the density of the turkey (~density of water ~ 8lbs/gallon) and thats how much oil you need to subtract from the oil that the pot holds without the turkey in it. (ie. if i have a 5 gallon pot (which actually holds 5 gallons with some room left over) and a 16 lb turkey, I want to put 3 gallons of oil in it. the pot that is, i dont think the turkey could hold 3 gallons.)
4. turn on the gas, and light it. heat the oil up to ~350 degrees. no more. if it gets too hot, the oil could catch fire and then you'd be back to the clinic, stupid.
5. it takes a good half hour to get up to temprature.
6. Lower in y'alls turkey real slow and easylike, so's you dont splash nobody.
7. maintain the right temperature, cause it goes all over the place when you put the bird in.
8. fry it for ~ 3 minutes per pound of turkey, (for exact times, use newton's law of cooling, along with the mass of the bird and specific heat of oil in a constant pressure process, dont forget to account for the cold beer in close proximity) or just wait till its nice and goldeny brown. if it floats, pull it out.
9. do a bunch more turkeys.
10. when youre done, let it all get nice and cool before you mess with cleaning up. takes a couple hours.

Physics

• When you fry a turkey, the turkey enters the freakin' hot oil so fast that the oil seals the outside of the turkey skin, so no oil gets in. This also means that all the yummy juices can't come out, and thusly, the turkey is moist, and rich and oh, so delishus.
• Also, when propane expands as it leaves the tank, it cools, and the tank can become quite cold. This is a problem, because if it gets too cold, the propane dosent vaporize. A neat solution, apparently (though i've never tried it) is to put the tank in a bucket of water and drinks, which need to be chilled anyways.